1 00:00:02,280 --> 00:00:05,192 (Narrator) History has known many liars - 2 00:00:05,280 --> 00:00:08,989 Copernicus, Goebbels, 3 00:00:09,080 --> 00:00:11,230 Saint Ralph the Liar. 4 00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:16,030 But there have been none quite so vile as the Tudor king, Henry VII. 5 00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:20,671 He rewrote history to portray his predecessor, Richard III, 6 00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:26,790 as a deformed maniac who killed his nephews in the Tower. 7 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:32,795 But the real truth is that Richard was a kind, thoughtful man 8 00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:36,190 who cherished his young wards. 9 00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:39,317 In particular Richard, Duke of York, 10 00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:43,837 who grew into a big, strong boy. 11 00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:46,673 Henry claimed he won the Battle of Bosworth Field, 12 00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:48,876 and killed Richard III. 13 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:51,315 Again, the truth is very different. 14 00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:56,269 It was Richard, Duke of York, who became king after Bosworth Field 15 00:00:56,360 --> 00:01:00,035 and reigned for 13 glorious years. 16 00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:02,680 As for who killed Richard III 17 00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:05,149 and how Henry Tudor escaped with his life, 18 00:01:05,240 --> 00:01:09,791 all is revealed in this, the first chapter of a history never told, 19 00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:12,678 the history of The Black Adder. 20 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:19,478 Silence, silence for the King! 21 00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:26,193 Now is the summer of our sweet content, 22 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:30,831 made o'ercast winter by these Tudor clowns. 23 00:02:30,920 --> 00:02:36,995 And I that am not shaped for black-faced war... (Cheering) 24 00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:41,710 ...I that am rudely cast and want true majesty... 25 00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:43,438 (Booing) 26 00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:49,117 ...am forced to fight to set sweet England free. 27 00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:52,431 I pray to Heaven we fare well 28 00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:55,398 and all who fight us go to hell! 29 00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:59,155 (All) Hurrah! 30 00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:01,629 Absolutely, hurrah! 31 00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:05,508 Who is that? 32 00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:09,036 I know not, My Lord. I'll ask my son. 33 00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:12,078 Harry, who is that? 34 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:16,039 - Your other son, My Lord. - It is my other son, My Lord. 35 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:19,078 Fights he with us on the morrow? 36 00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:23,870 - What's his name? - Edmund. 37 00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:27,077 Edna! Fight you with us on the morrow? 38 00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:32,029 Oh, goodness, no. I thought I'd fight with the enemy. 39 00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:43,840 He won't be anywhere near me, will he? 40 00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:46,150 No, he'll be amongst the rabble. 41 00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:50,279 - Oh, arrow fodder. - Precisely. 42 00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:54,830 What a little turd. 43 00:03:54,920 --> 00:04:00,233 Percy, you see how the King picks me out for special greeting? 44 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:03,630 - No, My Lord. - I saw it, My Lord. 45 00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:07,349 Ah! And what is your name, little fellow? 46 00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:09,908 Baldrick, My Lord. 47 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:13,356 Then I shall call you... Baldrick. 48 00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:17,274 And I shall call you "My Lord", My Lord. 49 00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:20,955 I like the cut of your jib, young fellow-me-lad. 50 00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:24,874 How'd you like to be my squire in the battle tomorrow? 51 00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:28,157 It will be a great day for we nobles. 52 00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:32,711 Not if we lose, Percy. If we lose, I'll be chopped to pieces. 53 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:36,156 My arms will end up in Essex, my torso in Norfolk, 54 00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:39,755 and my genitalia in a tree somewhere in Rutland. 55 00:04:39,840 --> 00:04:43,435 With you at the helm, My Lord, we cannot lose. 56 00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:46,637 We could if we wanted to. 57 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:51,350 Ah, but we won't, Percy. I shall prove to all that I am a man. 58 00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:54,000 But you are a man. 59 00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:56,958 But how shall it be proved, Percy? 60 00:04:57,040 --> 00:04:59,838 By looking up the tree in Rutland. 61 00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:03,674 It shall be proved by mine enemies 62 00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:05,716 rushing to the water closet in terror. 63 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:07,233 - Hurrah! - Hurrah. 64 00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:11,757 A toast! Let all those who go to don armour tomorrow 65 00:05:11,840 --> 00:05:16,118 remember to go before they don armour tomorrow! 66 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:21,839 Already, I can hear the sound of battle ringing in my ears. 67 00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:29,592 Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more. 68 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:35,994 Consign their parts most private to a Rutland tree. 69 00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:41,835 Let "Blood, blood, blood" be your motto! 70 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:45,435 Slit their gizzards! 71 00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:51,472 Now, I'm afraid there's going to have to be 72 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:53,755 a certain amount of... violence. 73 00:05:53,840 --> 00:05:59,710 But at least we know it's all in a good cause, don't we? 74 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:01,870 (Cheering) 75 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:05,873 And gentlemen in London still a-bed 76 00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:09,157 shall think themselves acursed they were not here. 77 00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:12,596 And hold their manhood cheap, 78 00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:17,037 while others speak of those who fought with us 79 00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:20,157 on Ralph the Liar's Day! 80 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:26,637 (Snoring) 81 00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:37,599 (Knock on the door) 82 00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:39,955 Edmund? 83 00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:44,591 - Edmund! - Oh, Mother, what do you want? 84 00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:47,752 Did you want to go to battle today? 85 00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:51,116 (Alarm clock rings) 86 00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:54,237 It's eleven o'clock! 87 00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:04,674 - M'lord? - What is it? 88 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:09,715 - Where is this battle, then? - Somewhere called Bosworth Field. 89 00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:12,234 (Edmund) Ah! 90 00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:16,836 (Edmund) Damn, damn! 91 00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:20,117 First decent battle since I've reached puberty. 92 00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:26,872 - Here we are, My Lord. - Onward, Baldrick, to glory! 93 00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:32,717 (Swords clash and horses whinny) 94 00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:39,956 Y-yes, um... 95 00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:43,794 I'm not so sure we're needed, Baldrick. 96 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:48,032 Everything seems to be going very well, doesn't it? 97 00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:50,714 Everyone's fighting, 98 00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:54,076 clearly having the time of their lives. 99 00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:59,553 Why, some people over there aren't fighting, they're just lying down! 100 00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:04,515 - They're dead, My Lord. - Ah. 101 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:07,956 Damn, I knew I'd forgotten something. 102 00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:10,554 Would you excuse me, Baldrick? 103 00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:20,917 Your Majesty, you've lost your steed. Take mine. 104 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:26,950 I've won the battle and saved the kingdom. I can find myself a horse. 105 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:30,555 True, My Lord. I'll see you at the castle. 106 00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:33,438 So be it. 107 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:37,479 A horse! (Whistles) 108 00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:39,516 A horse. 109 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:42,558 My kingdom for a horse. 110 00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:43,959 Ah! 111 00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:45,996 Horsey. 112 00:08:57,600 --> 00:09:00,160 Oi! That's my horse! 113 00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:12,193 There. That'll teach you! 114 00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:19,479 You won't be doing that again, will you? 115 00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:25,993 Oh, my God, it's Uncle Richard. 116 00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:29,789 Aaaaaaargh! 117 00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:32,758 What's up, My Lord? 118 00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:40,032 Oh, dear, Richard III. 119 00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:42,714 What are you going to do? 120 00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:44,472 Quick. 121 00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:53,430 Hold it there. 122 00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:02,991 My Lord! 123 00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:20,870 (Baldrick groans) 124 00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:24,839 Will you wait? Will you wait? 125 00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:27,115 Oh, well done. 126 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,836 Where's the head? 127 00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:37,311 - I thought you had it. - I can't carry everything! 128 00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:39,356 (Footsteps) 129 00:10:41,760 --> 00:10:46,470 Percy, you brainless son of a prostitute, where've you been? 130 00:10:46,560 --> 00:10:50,917 I've just proved that I'm a man. Look what I've found! 131 00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:55,391 Oh, thank God. Put it down and let's get out of here! 132 00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:58,631 - I found it, it's mine. - What do you mean, yours? 133 00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:01,757 I need it to prove I killed a nobleman. 134 00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:05,037 And which nobleman, pray? 135 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:06,838 Er... 136 00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:10,117 Well, it's the King, actually. 137 00:11:18,680 --> 00:11:22,912 - Lost! All is lost! - What? 138 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:25,673 Flee! Flee! 139 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:29,070 - Quick, let's get out of here. - Take me too! 140 00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:31,594 Get your hands off! 141 00:11:31,680 --> 00:11:34,319 If you leave me, I'll die. 142 00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:37,756 If you don't leave me alone, I'll kill you. 143 00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:41,628 - Come on, Baldrick! - I'll give you money. 144 00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:45,679 10,000 sovereigns! 145 00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:55,711 - Mother! - Edmund, dear. How did it go? 146 00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:59,634 Within seconds, Henry Tudor will be at our gates! 147 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:03,156 But I'm not ready. I haven't had a bath yet. 148 00:12:03,240 --> 00:12:05,959 Mother, Henry is our enemy. 149 00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:10,431 His men will brutally ravish you and every woman in the castle. 150 00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:13,637 Oh, well. I shan't bother to change, then. 151 00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:15,438 My Lord! 152 00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:20,116 - What do you want? - Listen! (Drums) 153 00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:24,398 Oh, my God. They're here already. Run for your lives! 154 00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:28,632 - Run for the hills! - They're coming from the hills. 155 00:12:28,720 --> 00:12:32,759 Sorry, run away from the hills! Run away from the hills! 156 00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:36,389 If you see the hills, run the other way! 157 00:12:36,480 --> 00:12:39,597 But they're flying King Richard's banner. 158 00:12:39,680 --> 00:12:44,390 - That's impossible. He's dead. - King Richard - dead? 159 00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:48,029 Yes. Er... God knows how. 160 00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:54,428 Oh, dear. That's really upset the tulip cart. 161 00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:58,274 The flags are just a cunning trick to deceive us. 162 00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:00,635 (Baldrick) My Lord, it's not a cunning trick. 163 00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:05,475 No, because we've seen through it. They obviously thought it was... 164 00:13:05,560 --> 00:13:07,755 (Baldrick) I don't think they thought it up. 165 00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:09,831 (Edmund) They borrowed it? 166 00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:12,593 (Baldrick) I don't think it's a trick at all. 167 00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:16,639 You don't think using someone else's banner is a trick? 168 00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:17,869 (Crash) Aah! 169 00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:24,040 (Percy) It's only your father. 170 00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:27,999 - Who locked that bloody door? - Richard, it's you! 171 00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:29,877 Who did you expect? 172 00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:32,269 I thought it would be Henry Tulip. 173 00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:36,319 Henry Tulip? Have you lost your conkers? 174 00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:40,949 - So you won? - Yes, of course. We won! 175 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:44,589 We won! Victory! (All cheer) 176 00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:48,797 So I suppose now you want to ravish me. 177 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:51,713 Yes, yes, in a moment. 178 00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:53,756 The woman's insatiable. 179 00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:58,470 Three cheers for good King Richard. Hup, hup... 180 00:13:58,560 --> 00:14:00,869 (All) Huzzah! 181 00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:03,474 - Hup, hup... - Huzzah! 182 00:14:03,560 --> 00:14:05,118 Huzzah! 183 00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:09,955 We just need King Richard here and the day shall be complete! 184 00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:13,157 Yes. What a pity he's dead. 185 00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:17,996 What! Who told you that? 186 00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:20,230 Well, Edmund. 187 00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:24,034 Is this true? 188 00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:30,150 Er... I wouldn't know, really. I was nowhere near him at the time. 189 00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:32,754 I just heard from someone, er... 190 00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:36,992 I mean, I don't even know where he was killed. 191 00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:39,640 I was on the opposite side of the field, 192 00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:43,679 nowhere near the cottage... Not that it was the cottage. 193 00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:47,878 It was the river. But I wouldn't know, because I wasn't there. 194 00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:52,988 Apparently, some fool cut his head off... or killed him in some way. 195 00:14:53,080 --> 00:14:58,200 Or took an ear off. Yes, in fact, I think he was only wounded. 196 00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:01,158 Er... or was that somebody else? 197 00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:05,392 He wasn't even wounded. Why, did someone say he was dead? 198 00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:07,710 - Yes! - What? 199 00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:11,509 It's true, My Lord. I stumbled on his body. 200 00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:16,355 Oh, pardon me, thou bleeding piece of earth! 201 00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:18,396 That's enough of that. 202 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:20,436 Thank you, Harry. 203 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:23,353 Thank you, Harry! 204 00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:29,993 Yes, and we all know who did this dreadful deed, don't we? 205 00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:35,913 Yes - Henry Tudor! 206 00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:41,518 And he still roams free. 207 00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:45,195 Harry, call for silence! 208 00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:48,317 Silence! 209 00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:54,711 For the King! 210 00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:04,678 (All) Long live King Richard IV! 211 00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:09,709 This day has been, as t'were, a mighty stew, 212 00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:13,110 in which the beef of victory was mixed 213 00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:16,476 with the vile turnip of sweet Richard slain 214 00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:20,394 and the grisly dumpling of his killer fled. 215 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:24,917 But we must eat the yellow wobbly parts the good Lord serves. 216 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:31,872 In life, each man gets what he deserves! 217 00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:37,711 Well, come on. Let's go and kill some more prisoners. Hup, hup... 218 00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:40,792 (All) Huzzah! 219 00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:52,469 (All three) Hurrah! 220 00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:56,394 We're safe and I am a prince of the realm. 221 00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:58,232 Hup, hup... 222 00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:00,038 - Huzzah! - H-huzzah. 223 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:04,671 - Can you imagine the power? - It's ours, all ours! 224 00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:07,911 - What? - Yours, all yours! 225 00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:11,675 Ah, Edmund, there you are. 226 00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:16,470 It's early, but I'd like to sort out these battle averages. 227 00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:18,710 - Who did you kill today? - Um... 228 00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:23,310 no one. 229 00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:27,757 no one! Oh, dear. I'll put you down for a duck, then. 230 00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:31,389 I'm afraid that takes you out of the running 231 00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:34,790 - for the Legion Of Honour. - Oh, I see. Sorry. 232 00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:37,474 I thought you meant had I killed King Richard. 233 00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:40,028 What? 234 00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:42,509 What... was the question? 235 00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:45,717 Who did you kill today? 236 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:50,032 Oh, I see. Er, right... Er... Let's see. 237 00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:52,839 (He mouths) Pedant. 238 00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:54,831 What? 239 00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:59,471 Pleasant... Pedant. P... Peas... 240 00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:03,314 Peasants! There were a lot of peasants. 241 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:05,595 But they don't really count, do they? 242 00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:09,673 Only in the event of a tie. So, how many did you kill? 243 00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:12,672 - Oh, four... - Four. 244 00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:14,876 ...handred. 245 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:18,509 Four handred... hand. 246 00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:22,479 Four hundred... hand fifty. 247 00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:27,873 Four hundred and fifty! That's three times more than myself! 248 00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:31,316 - I had a couple of lucky breaks. - Nobles? 249 00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:37,111 Ah, nobles... Let me see. I think... Lord Coverdale. 250 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,270 Who fought on our side, I believe. 251 00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:44,354 I think Lord Coverdale saw me slaying... um... 252 00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:47,955 - Warwick. - Warwick the Wild, of Leicester? 253 00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:51,589 Yes. Pretty wild he was too. He took some finishing off. 254 00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:55,798 Yes, I killed him myself at one point. Anyone else? 255 00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:58,838 Um... Er... Now, let me see. Er... 256 00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:03,198 I'm just trying to put names to faces. 257 00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:07,558 Well, this is the list of lords as yet unaccounted for. 258 00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:11,189 - Roger de Runcey. - Oh, yes, he was one of mine. 259 00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:14,795 - Lord Thomas of Devon. - Ah, yes, back-slash. 260 00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:17,792 - Lord Yeovil. - Yes, groin job. 261 00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:23,079 This is remarkable, Edmund! Oh, and the Bishop of Bath and Wells... 262 00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:25,230 Will never walk again! 263 00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:27,959 ...will conduct the thanksgiving service. 264 00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:31,953 Oh, Bath... and Wells! 265 00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:38,639 Ah, Lord Percy. Edmund tells me you turned up late for the battle, 266 00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:43,555 so there's not much point in asking you your score, is there? 267 00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:49,474 - Ha-ha! - A-ha-ha! Ha! 268 00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:52,199 At last, I can relax. 269 00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:56,396 Who the hell is this? 270 00:19:56,480 --> 00:20:01,395 Ah, well, you remember that dying man we saw in the cottage? 271 00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:06,190 The one I specifically told you not to bring back to the castle? 272 00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:10,114 - That's the one. - So what's he doing in my bed? 273 00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:12,270 He claims to be a wealthy man. 274 00:20:12,360 --> 00:20:16,558 I thought if we nurse him back to health, he may reward us. 275 00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:19,950 Now, wait! I think I have an idea. 276 00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:25,319 If he is a wealthy man and we nurse him back to health, 277 00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:28,358 he may reward us! 278 00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:31,512 Brilliant, My Lord. Good thinking. 279 00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:33,795 (Both) Thank you, Baldrick. 280 00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:35,836 Well, what would you expect? 281 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:40,277 After all, who has the fastest brain in the land? 282 00:20:40,360 --> 00:20:42,828 Prince Edmund, Duke of Edinburgh. 283 00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:46,310 Who is the boldest horseman in the land? 284 00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:48,516 - Prince Edmund... ...Duke of Edinburgh. 285 00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:51,637 Who is the bravest swordsman in the land? 286 00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:53,597 Don't tell me. That Earl from Norfolk. 287 00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:55,159 Prince... 288 00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:58,277 - (Both) Edmund, Duke of Edinburgh. - Precisely. 289 00:20:58,360 --> 00:21:02,797 Or, as I shall be known from now on... 290 00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:07,396 The Black Vegetable. 291 00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:14,836 My Lord, wouldn't something like The Black Adder sound better? 292 00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:16,990 No, wait. 293 00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:20,277 I think I have a better idea. 294 00:21:20,360 --> 00:21:26,151 What about... The Black Adder? 295 00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:33,072 That one! 296 00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:35,230 That pair! 297 00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:37,356 That one! 298 00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:58,555 - Very witty, My Lord. - Thank you, Baldrick. 299 00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:03,077 - Very, very, very witty, My Lord. - Thank you, Percy. 300 00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:06,072 You're certainly wittier than your father. 301 00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:09,550 And head and shoulders over Richard III! 302 00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:12,393 Is that supposed to be witty? 303 00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:15,517 Er... No, My Lord. 304 00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:19,513 Th-that was an example of the sort of thing 305 00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:22,319 that you yourself would not stoop to. 306 00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:25,597 - Go away! - (Both) Yes, My Lord. 307 00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:46,439 - You're still here, are you? - Er... Yes. 308 00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:55,631 Haven't I seen you somewhere before? 309 00:22:55,720 --> 00:23:01,272 I don't know. I feel that I've seen you before, also. 310 00:23:01,360 --> 00:23:05,273 I am Prince Edmund, son of Richard IV. 311 00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:10,351 - Who are you? - I'm not important. 312 00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:12,635 You mean you're not rich? 313 00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:15,712 Yes, I'm incredibly rich. 314 00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:18,519 I'm a very wealthy, um... 315 00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:22,832 ...modest person, who wishes to remain nameless. 316 00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:24,751 You'd better be rich. 317 00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:28,833 Get your money together, get better and get out of my bed! 318 00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:39,834 Oh, yes, very fetching. 319 00:23:41,360 --> 00:23:43,669 Aaargh! 320 00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:48,870 And hello to you. 321 00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:54,518 (In high-pitched voice) Hello. Goodness me. 322 00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:59,628 I hadn't expected to see you... like this. 323 00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:04,748 - Sitting down, you mean? - Yes, that's right. Sitting down. 324 00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:07,957 Goodness, look, you're sitting down. 325 00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:12,670 Good Lord, I haven't seen you sitting down since... 326 00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:14,318 Yesterday? 327 00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:17,472 Was it only yesterday? Good Lord. 328 00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:22,714 Um... Er... Well... How was your battle? 329 00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:24,950 Fine. Someone cut my head off, 330 00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:29,511 but apart from that it went swimmingly. How are you, Edna? 331 00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:32,398 - Edmund. - Your father said Edna. 332 00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:33,754 No... 333 00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:38,197 So, Edna, you loathsome little fairy maggot, how are you? 334 00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:42,637 How very kind of you to ask, Your Majesty. 335 00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:44,676 I'm very well. 336 00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:48,719 And it's very good to see you, because, frankly... 337 00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:53,112 - Yes? - Well, frankly, er... 338 00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:55,668 Gosh, you look well. 339 00:24:55,760 --> 00:25:00,231 Frankly, what? Spit it out, you horrid, little, scabby reptile. 340 00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:06,555 Um... Well, frankly, everyone thought you were dead. 341 00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:09,234 Well, frankly, I am. 342 00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:14,197 (Knock at door) Do come in. 343 00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:17,192 - No, don't come in! - Why not? 344 00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:21,876 - Have you got someone in there? - Um... Not as such. 345 00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:24,713 - Is it a woman? - No. 346 00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:26,950 - Is it a man? - Um... 347 00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:33,948 Um... Yes, it is. 348 00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:36,679 You hesitated, Edmund. 349 00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:39,194 It's not a sheep, is it? 350 00:25:39,280 --> 00:25:43,592 - It certainly isn't a sheep. - Well, then, let me in. 351 00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:47,719 So farewell, Edna. You'll be seeing me later. 352 00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:53,434 Um... Have, er... 353 00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:55,954 Have you got transport? 354 00:25:56,040 --> 00:26:00,158 Perhaps you'd like to borrow my horse again. 355 00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:03,994 I mean... not that you've borrowed it before. 356 00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:06,548 Coming. 357 00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:18,237 Are you all right, Edmund? You look as if you've just seen a ghost. 358 00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:21,790 Hurry up, anyway. You're expected at the banquet. 359 00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:24,917 Look, um... Mother, er... 360 00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:31,189 You won't tell anyone about my oversleeping this morning? 361 00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:36,035 Would I? Do I tell people that your brother Harry is scared of spoons? 362 00:26:36,120 --> 00:26:40,477 Or that your father has very small private parts? 363 00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:43,909 Mother! 364 00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:47,231 (Edmund) Baa! Ba-aa-ah. 365 00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:50,073 Oh, Edmund. 366 00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:53,994 It's the lying I find so hurtful. 367 00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:56,913 Baa-aaa. 368 00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:07,993 We'll slit it right up here! 369 00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:10,514 So sorry I'm late. 370 00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:14,149 Hold! You dare sit there, boy? 371 00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:17,710 Would you insult King Richard's ghost? 372 00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:20,155 Um... No. 373 00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:22,674 No, sorry. 374 00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:27,436 Yes, find your own chair, you smelly little dog's pizzle. 375 00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:37,558 How many prisoners have you got, Harry? 376 00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:39,790 I'm not Harry, I'm Richard. 377 00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:43,316 - Send a brace to my room. - (Harry) Do you want them hung? 378 00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:46,437 - Hello? - I want to practise my backhand! 379 00:27:46,520 --> 00:27:49,796 After the way you slaughtered Lord Stanley! 380 00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:51,279 Hello! 381 00:27:51,360 --> 00:27:56,559 - Oh, I wish Uncle Dickie was here. - Don't Dickie me, duckie. 382 00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:04,433 Tonight, honoured friends, 383 00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:09,071 we are gathered to celebrate a great victory 384 00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:12,118 and to mourn a great loss. 385 00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:15,112 A toast to our triumph! 386 00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:17,111 (All) Our triumph! 387 00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:19,589 And I raise a royal curse 388 00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:23,719 upon the man who slew Richard, our noble king! 389 00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:26,268 It was him! 390 00:28:26,360 --> 00:28:29,670 - Oh, my God! - Quiet at the end! 391 00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:32,991 - Whoever it was... - It was Edna! 392 00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:35,469 ...wherever he be... - He's there! 393 00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:39,792 ...he shall be struck down! - Do it, you oaf, he's there! 394 00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:42,110 - It wasn't me! - Who said that? 395 00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:44,077 The idiot who killed me. 396 00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:47,391 - I didn't. - Well, then, who did? 397 00:28:47,480 --> 00:28:50,472 - It was Edmund who interrupted. - Hang him! 398 00:28:50,560 --> 00:28:53,518 - Aargh! - I will have silence! 399 00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:59,788 Another toast. To dead King Richard. 400 00:28:59,880 --> 00:29:02,678 Oh, my God. 401 00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:07,311 - Gentlemen. - (All) King Richard! 402 00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:11,188 Thank you very much for nothing. Thank you so much. 403 00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:14,113 That's the last you'll see of me. 404 00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:17,510 Not that you've seen much of me anyway. 405 00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:25,476 Now that we have silence, we shall continue the desecration ceremony. 406 00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:30,395 Produce the portrait of the pretender, Henry Tudor. 407 00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:33,916 (Booing and hissing) 408 00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:39,673 Oh, my God! 409 00:29:50,200 --> 00:29:53,317 - Good evening. - Where's Henry Tudor? 410 00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:57,791 Baa-aaa. 411 00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:01,918 Where is he? Where is he! 412 00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:07,071 Whoo-oo. 413 00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:21,313 Thank you so much. 414 00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:40,476 (Wailing) 415 00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:50,075 - Oh! - Hail! 416 00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:51,639 - Hail! - Hail! 417 00:30:51,720 --> 00:30:55,269 - Ruler of men. - Ravisher of women. 418 00:30:55,360 --> 00:31:00,070 - Slayer of kings! - Be gone, hideous crones. 419 00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:03,789 - Be not amazed. - Be not overcome with fear. 420 00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:06,110 Be not paralysed with terror. 421 00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:12,432 Why have you lured me here, you loathsome drabs? 422 00:31:12,520 --> 00:31:14,715 We bear good news. 423 00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:18,759 What news could such repulsive harbingers convey? 424 00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:21,798 Today has brought misfortune. 425 00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:26,192 - But one day... - (All) Oh, glorious day! 426 00:31:26,280 --> 00:31:30,637 - One day... - (All) Oh, happy day! 427 00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:34,039 Yes? 428 00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:37,476 (All) You shall be King! 429 00:31:37,560 --> 00:31:39,710 Really? 430 00:31:39,800 --> 00:31:41,631 Yes. 431 00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:43,870 Your Majesty. 432 00:31:43,960 --> 00:31:47,669 Well, that is good news, isn't it? 433 00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:53,073 God be with you, you snaggle-toothed vultures. 434 00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:55,151 History - here I come! 435 00:31:57,080 --> 00:32:00,834 'cross the glade 436 00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:04,879 lock up your son and daughter 437 00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:08,873 438 00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:12,350 439 00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:14,431 440 00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:16,476 441 00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:20,519 442 00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:24,354 443 00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:28,877 444 00:32:28,960 --> 00:32:33,078 445 00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:37,073 446 00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:41,153 447 00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:44,835 than his kettle 448 00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:48,833 449 00:32:48,920 --> 00:32:52,708 450 00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:57,112 451 00:32:57,200 --> 00:33:01,352 452 00:33:02,840 --> 00:33:05,195 He wasn't as I expected. 453 00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:07,475 I thought he was very rude. 454 00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:11,314 I thought Henry Tudor would be better looking. 455 00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:14,233 Yes, not so Jewish. 456 00:33:14,320 --> 00:33:17,392 More like that man who rode by before. 457 00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:23,436 - We've done it again! - You silly witches!